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Me
Phyllis
01/08
Gauche

Yearns for:
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland Shackle Bracelet
Gacha pulls
Gloomy skies
Head pats
Huskies
Indie bands
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and the slow life.

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009, 12:31:00 AM
Source: http://optimusxpurrim.xanga.com/

* * *

Nic says: " My god, he would've just shut up, but can't believe he's using such a cheap ass tactic."

Feels good to have the whole world against you, innit? :)
* * *

Thanks Nic.

For that conversation. :)

Again, I gained insight.

We should definitely talk again sometime.

That is, if you want to. :)
* * *

All I needed, was someone there to tell me what I needed to hear.

But I wonder if I'm truly happier this way.

One thing, I would love to see you suffer.

But I don't want to make myself suffer.

I can be totally drunk and still totally comprehend what you put up there.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to prove.

I baffle myself sometimes.
* * *

Many things have changed around here since you've been gone.

So don't fucking assume that I'm the same person whom you thought you knew.
* * *

I never realised how far I've come on this road of self-healing.

I'm at a much better place than I was before.

Maybe I should thank you for how you treated me like shit.

You made me feel dirty.

But it opened my eyes to many things.
* * *

I'm getting better at this.

Or maybe you were just easy.

But still, I'm kinda proud of myself. :)

* * *

Yes, I still do think of you sometimes.

I'm upset at how things turned out between us.

I still want you in my life.

But I don't know how I should start.

I'm afraid that by talking to you, I'd make things worse instead.

And the fact that my name isn't there any longer, appalls and saddens me at the same time.

I fear that talking to you might make you break.

And that's the last thing I want to happen.

But I also know how you hate when people make assumptions.

So I'm not going to make any.

I wonder how you're doing though...

Oh, to hell with this.

I'll take the first step.

The rest, is up to you.

After all, it takes two to tango.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
* * *

I've had my fair share of fair-weathered friends.

But through this, I've also discovered who my true friends are.

And they will be the certain few whom I refuse to lose contact with.

People who truly matter to me, will forever be in my heart. :)
* * *

You didn't promise me outright.

And it wasn't too much to ask of you.

It wouldn't even hurt you, for goodness sake!

Well now I see what I am to you.
* * *

It's just all wrong.

Come on, powers that be.

Give me someone new to crush on!

And this time, it better be real.
* * *

You're not the one I hoped for.


Sunday, December 6, 2009, 12:10:00 AM
Ignorance - Paramore



She lives in a fairytale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of a world that she's left behind
It's all about the exposure the lens I told her
The angles are all wrong now
She's ripping wings off of butterflies

Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle
Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da

So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest she can figure out
But it was a trick and the clock struck twelve
Well make sure
To build your house brick by boring brick
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down

Keep your feet on the ground
When your head's in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
We'll bury the castle
Bury the castle
Oh

Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And that's where I want to be yeah

Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle
Bury the castle

Ba da ba ba da ba ba da
Ba da ba ba ba da ba ba
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da
Ba da ba ba ba da ba ba
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da
Ba da ba ba ba da ba ba
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da
Ba da ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

This is pleasantly twisted.

Love it.

* * *

I can't deny my feelings.

But I know it's just another schoolgirl crush.

And I know we would never work out.

So I'm not going to start anything.

But I can't help being all bring eyed with diluted pupils and megawatt smiles when I see you.

No, I'm not talking about you 1 (Y).

Aww.

* * *

And I saw the look on her face when he reached out to hug me.

If you were jealous, you shouldn't be.

Technically, I should be the one who's jealous, because you get to spend so much time with him!

But somehow, somehow, you make me happy to see you, but you don't make my heart beat faster.

Something's wrong with this.

Screw it.

I'm finding another person.

* * *

Seriously, if everyone ends up feeling as disgusted as I am after it all, I don't know what the world has become.

I cannot believe that I actually agreed to put myself in that kind of situation.

You weren't a big deal.

So don't walk around with a swagger, acting like you took my virginity.

Don't let it get to your head.

Don't get so fucking cocky.

And I know what you said.

Well, some things, I just need to get off my chest.

And here it is:

I hate you.

Never thought I'd be saying that huh.

Well, neither did I.

You were a huge fucking mistake.

I'm really starting to convince myself that I was indeed high on drugs.

Maybe I had a concussion the day before, or something.

* * *

And now you just repulse me.

Boobs, much?

I hope you repulse every single thing - be it living or dead - while you're walking down the street.

So much so that everything just drops dead or runs for cover.

It's tragic, I know.

But what is there to do?

That's just you.

* * *

Someday, I hope I can find someone whom I don't have to fake it with.

I'm not saying this out of spite, but I felt nothing.

I'm feeling the after effects of it now - disappointment, disgust and much more.

Like I said, I have serious lag time issues.

Well, at least not void times.

Sure, the amount of effort put in equates to the amount of emotional and mental distress when everything's gone.

But it's safe to say, some people really aren't worth the effort.

Nor anything, for that matter.

Especially you.

While others, I would have gladly gone out of my way just to see their smile and their eyes light up when they see me.

I guess people really do come and go in our lives.

It's up to us entirely - which I do certainly hope so - to make sure whom we keep close and whom we want to rid ourselves of.

* * *

I could make your life miserable.

If I wanted to.

But believe me, I haven't started.

Everything that you now see around you, they are not my doing.

Well, of course I was in on it.

But however dense you were, you just couldn't comprehend it.

You don't seem to grasp the severity of it all.

I have reached a point where I don't even feel sorry for you anymore.

I'll bet you didn't know, lots of people smile in your face but spit at your back.

Whereas I spit in your face and maim you in the back.

I've got a whole list of people who do that too.

And wouldn't you like to find out who's on that list.

There are so many things I want to say to you.

But what's my purpose?

I'm not sure I care what you think any longer.

I know, I know, I've heard it a million times - you think it's my fault.

My fault that this happened, my fault that that happened.

But you know, I'm not the only one who's pulling strings here.

In fact, I have no strings to pull.

Because there is no such need.

People have eyes, they see.

People have ears, they hear, they listen.

People have developed brains, they think.

They know how to.

Whereas you'll only think it's me.

Well, go on.

I'm not stopping you.

I'll see what other 'surprises' you have in store for me.

* * *

Just a little too fast, aren't you?